Let’s face it: Trees would be sexy as hell if they were human.
The General
Sir, yes, sir! Look how this one stands at attention. No doubt that if it were returning from active duty, as a human solider of course, there would be a crowd of people just waiting to get it into bed.
Amount of ass: 6 kilos
The Artist
Just look at how green those leaves are! That’s definitely the work of an artist. People love bedding artists. So there’s no doubt if this tree transformed into a human it would own a cool loft in Soho with a revolving door of sweet, sweet ass.
Amount of ass: 5 metric tons
Via chaplingonet.com
The Eccentric
This one is all over the place! That may turn a lot of people off from this tree in its fully realized human form. However, others want and need that lack of structure in their lives. This is the type of tree that shows up to your office and says, “Let’s go to the beach!” and you just stop what you’re doing and hop onto its moped.
Amount of ass: About equal to a herd of buffalo
The Norman
We’ve all met a Norman: the dependable and trustworthy guy we just can’t see being romantic with. But then in middle age, things change. We want the stability of Norman. And would you look at that? This tree, again, as a human, is batting them away with a stick (from another tree).
Amount of ass: 200 pounds with Jupiter’s gravity
Mayang Adnin And William Smith / Via mayang.com
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